don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
