So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
