If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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