I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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