Sponge bath it is.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
