Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
