he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
