Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
