Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
