At least make sure they are 18
Why
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize