if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My balls are so social today.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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