so that wasnt chicken after all
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
