he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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