i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
