That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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