They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
