Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
