He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
