no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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