One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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