Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
