How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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