So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
