dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
