saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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