its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It's just like the Real World with babies
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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