Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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