my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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