she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
