I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
