Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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