I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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