glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i think my mom watched the whole time
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
