the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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