This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
