what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
