did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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