How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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