at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
