I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
