Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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