take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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