she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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