There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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