moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
