her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You made out with two different species that night
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
