just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Randomize
