do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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