yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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