That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You pole danced in your parka.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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