my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
