he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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