That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize