oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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