Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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