I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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