I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize