Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
