I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
