ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
