yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
