i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
