Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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