im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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