Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
