I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I want to fling myself into the sun
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
