I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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