Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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