I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
