There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
