Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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