Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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