Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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