Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
