So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
