I can text with my tongue
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
