dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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