Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
