Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
