My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize