Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just high enough for therapy.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
