If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
