Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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