i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
