she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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