the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
