Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
