oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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