there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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