Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
