the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
