Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
