i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
